he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
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