I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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