I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
