you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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