Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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