My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
