My boss' voice literally gives me gas
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
