This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
