My nipple is on Facebook.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
