Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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