I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
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