Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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