we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
