He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Shame is for Republicans.
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