What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
