just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Do vagina's smell?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
