I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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