he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
