also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
PANTIES FOUND
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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