Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
