That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
