I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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