Your face is a jimmy john
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
