I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She told me I should be a condom model.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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