just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
