We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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