Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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