I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
