i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
