He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
