hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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