shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
