Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
