I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
