Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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