That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
