That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
