i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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