next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
