I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
