remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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