youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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