if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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