I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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