Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
