She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize