dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
This house was built for laser tag.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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