I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
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Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
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anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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