I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
