speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
