Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
