Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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