another moral hangover. fuck.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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