i think my mom watched the whole time
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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