im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
