apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
