it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
