he wants to bone in the snuggie
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
