I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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