just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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