my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
