the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
