Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
