ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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