You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
