mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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