I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
